Maya was this cute little goofy upbeat music nerd. She loved having fun, hanging with friends, being all the sorts of normal boring fun that people take for granted. Emphasis on ‘was.’ That was a long time ago, see Maya’s had a string of bad luck. She’s eighteen and two people near her are already dead, one of them she was dating. The bus crash, which put her best friend in a coma, was kinda the last straw for what let Maya pretend to be 'okay.'
This slow decline started with Cam Saunders. He killed himself. One day they were happy, the next he broke up with her, and after that he was dead. Two things changed with Maya then and there. First Maya became a lot more interested in living her life now, because tomorrows weren’t certain. Second, everyone in her life, was now her responsibility. That if she wasn’t there somehow everything that could go wrong, would, and worse than one would imagine. Not a very healthy mental state, but it kept her going. Pouring herself into helping, saving, her friends. It was enough for a while.
See for a while she put all her effort into keeping everyone around her safe. She doesn’t like people getting hurt, people suffering... unless she feels they deserve a little retribution. Maya’s mostly a good kid, but if someone makes others suffer for fun they deserve a little karma. Still, mostly she wants to help. Even people that wronged her in the past, if they’re suffering more than they deserve she’ll reach out to help them. Maybe not be friends with them, but help. In case worse happens. Which, even if it happened to someone she doesn’t like, she’d blame herself over it.
But after the bus crash she changed. Everything felt… empty, her dread and fear was replaced with a numbness she couldn’t escape. She couldn’t find the energy to fight anymore, she just sank deeper and deeper and nobody seemed to get her out. She started to believe she was the problem, everything that happened around her was her fault. It wasn’t rational, it wasn’t sane, but that thought festered in her mind until it consumed her. Those thoughts lead her to a dark, dangerous place. Ready to end it all, to save her friends and family from having to deal with her.
Fortunately she’s gotten help, she’s getting better, but she’s still haunted by these thoughts. She’s still afraid of all these thoughts in her head that lead her to where she ended up. Terrified of any evidence her thoughts are right about what she is, and what happens around her. She doesn’t want to slip back, so she’s very aware of the things she did at her worst. Watching videos of disasters. Holding herself under the water a little too long to be comfortable. Drawing away from people that might notice what’s wrong with her.
When she’s more involved, due to her music or her friends pulling her out of her shell, she’s soft spoken and a little dark, but there are hints of the little girl she used to be. She can be a little silly and fun. There’s still a hesitance, she waits and pauses before speaking, all the time. This fear manifesting in a pause before she talks. But she’s trying, she is getting out there and doing things. Even if she is very careful. Careful of her old habits, the ones that put her on this path. But she is still trying to move forward, get better, be more than what her darkest thoughts say. That’s the key, she hasn’t given up.
|